Dr. Keith Ablow Shares Living the Truth in Love

Many Individuals looking for love think the best way to find it is summed up by the cliché:  Put your best foot forward.  Part of that message is to put on a kind of act, leading with a positive attitude and a good mood and sharing only your strengths during the early stages of the relationship. This idea suggests you're probably not going to attract a partner unless you shine brightly like a new penny.

Dr. Keith Ablow does not agree, in fact he thinks there’s a real risk to genuine intimacy when dating and romance involve two people trying to seem perfect. Ablow explains “Playing dress-up emotionally deprives men and women of getting naked emotionally and actually connecting.  That happens when they share with each other the challenges they have faced and continue to face, the obstacles each has overcome and the unrealized dreams that each continues to hold close to his or her heart.”

Ablow recommends that when people begin dating, they share as much about their disappointments and stresses in life as their accomplishments and sources of pleasure.  Just that sort of genuine opening up of one's life story sparks empathy.  And only when empathy mixes with passion can true love be the result.  

When we pretend that we come from perfect families and find ourselves entirely happy with ourselves, content with our careers and always optimistic about the future, we turn potential relationships into drugs—intoxicating connections that transport us away from ourselves and away from the authentic selves of the men or women we might otherwise have come to really know and, possibly, even to truly love.

Whether it is your second date, or you have been married 15 years, Dr. Keith Ablow recommends this exercise for building a stronger connection:

· Share one story about a time you felt misunderstood or let down by someone you had really relied upon.

· Ask when the man or woman you’re with struggled most emotionally.

· Swap one honest fear each of you has about the future.

This exercise will help you build a more genuine and stronger connection with your partner, or help you determine if the relationship is just not worth investing in.

The glue of long-term attachment isn’t made up of funny one-liners, laser-whitened teeth or perfectly starched shirts.  It’s made up of parts of you that aren’t perfect but are known to your lover or partner or spouse, who loves you, with all your imperfections, for real.

In his book Living the Truth, Ablow shares, “Let yourself feel the pain you’ve been avoiding, and you will become powerful in equal measure.” Ablow believes that deep down everyone wants the truth and by letting go of the practice of best foot forward, and instead engaging others by sharing your fears, failures, and hopes we can build stronger more genuine relationships.